my passion might just end HERE

"did you ever doubt your dreams will ever come true?"
i want my S.I rank
i feel that i deserve it
all the effort i have put in

those people don't even want to come back and help the unit after they graduate
is this called loyalty?

then let me pose another question
i do everything for my unit
i spend my free time reading up
who is the one who goes all the way to buy campcraft help books when the others go whining about how to do those knots
who is the one who spend 3 hours on her knots board perfecting it, including knots that she was not taught, but in the end had worst comments then another which is COLOURFUL but less informative
who is the one who volunteers for things when no one else wants to?"
who is the one who is willing to sacrifice all for her CCA?
WHO?

AND WHAT THE HELL I GET?
A 2.67 FOR LOYALTY WHILE THEY ALL GET 4!
WHAT?!
that was a measurement of what your CCA teacher thinks of you!
does that mean that i am one freaking unloyal bitch?!
there goes my dream
i check another's report card
numerous 3s and 4s ,no 2s
and what the hell did i get?
2? 3?
"YOU ARE NOT LOYAL ENOUGH!"yells the card into my ears
"THEN WHO IS?"i yell back
"WHO ELSE?! YOU KNOW IT!"

i told i was loyal
i thought everyone knew that
even in my 2J cards
i see my friends talking about how passionate i am to my CCA
i thought
i really thought it was that way
really

i can't take it anymore

"i forgot the candle, can we like use humans to act as candles?"
"huh..."
"i brought candles."
"and i brought the candles stands"

i couldn't stand it
i know it was my fault for forgetting
i'm sorry
but your face betrayed everything
you thought of me as useless
but when jia min said she brought the candle
you gave that thousand watt smile
cause' in your subconsciousness

she's more important then me

if they read this, they'll think i don't deserve it even more